I just finished watching the Billboard Music Awards for this year. Now currently watching Florence and The Machine perform at the Hangout Fest (on tv). Watching award shows have always been one of my favorite hobbies. I watch them over and over again. It’s obvious it is for the live performances. I enjoy live performances so much, seeing the artist perform their art, enjoying it, simply living in whatever song they are presenting at that moment. I get this overwhelming feeling seeing people present their art. I think it’s because it is something I have envisioned myself doing since I was a child. I get so full while watching people perform, I sometimes start to cry. It’s like I want to do that so badly, I can see myself doing it. I’ve just always been so scared to start. I don’t think my voice is strong enough, I don’t think my vision is strong enough. I’m scared of judgement, I’m scared of people not liking it. I also don’t really know how to start. I write songs down every once in a while, but everyday there is a new one in my head….sometimes more then one pops up a day. No day goes by without me singing or imagining myself performing my art to a crowd. I have never taken the idea of me actually creating music to share seriously. I have never taken the idea seriously because, you know, it’s just a dream. And growing up, that is one of the most heard dreams, a child saying they want to be a singer whether they have a decent voice, or not. So I have never seen my dream as a true individual dream. I always have this thought of why even try…. because there is going to be someone, somewhere much better than me. I hate that I am so negative. I hate that I don’t have as much confidence as I tend to portray I have. If I was as confident as I tend to come off to some people, then I would have been started, I would have been tried and probably succeeded now. I would probably have a nice amount of people who enjoy my creations, people who like and appreciate it. They would be the people who matter, the people who would help fuel me. But first I have to learn to enjoy, like, and appreciate my own creations to help me fuel myself….to be myself. Because I am truly scared to be myself.

-NotYourAverageGirl

Rhody