An all time American favorite, apple pie, with a vanilla frosty from Wendy’s. I decided to eat this in hopes of helping myself feel better. It’s not helping. It sure does taste good though, but my mood is still terrible. I feel terrible. When I’m like this I just don’t talk, or have the smallest amount of communication that I can.
Negativity is all that is coming from me, when I’m like this. I don’t want to damper anyone else’s mood. So I just don’t talk.
I’m not okay. Most days I’m fine, or I believe I am. Until I’m alone and I feel crappy. Then I try to sleep most of the day. At first, I thought it was because I just like to sleep. But now I know I sleep so I don’t have to deal with too much of the day. I do this so I don’t have to deal with my thoughts. These thoughts just make me sad, they’re just so negative.
Now I’ve started to have scary dreams, well not scary… but things to make me sad, to break my spirit. So now I don’t go to sleep until the sun comes up most days.
I woke up from the worst dream yesterday. I had the most terrible feeling over me. Like I couldn’t breathe, I woke up sobbing, crying. I’m a silent crying normally, so this was bad.
I’m not really sure of much right now in my life. I am sure that I’m not happy, I’m confused, and I don’t know what to do. I just don’t want to continue going through this.
want need to be happy.