Some people have social media to boast, show off, or lurk.
They want to be seen. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be seen.
But this is about me, not other people.
Since forever I have been pushing to stay true to myself, but at the same time not wanting to be seen. I have always been on a completely separate track from everyone else.
Goofy, sensitive, awkward, sweet, loud, opinionated, gullible.
I simply want to be understood…and seen as I am.
People think I am anti-social, or closed off.
I just don’t like getting too close to people. Before we get to the point of a genuine friendship, I will back off. Most likely stop talking to you completely, or sparsely.
I just don’t feel like being judged. I keep a lot to myself. I only speak to a couple people constantly.
My few friends are the ones that get me. They appreciate me for being me. They never make me feel wrong for being me.
I get defensive when someone is against what I am doing, because I have had to change and compromise for other people so much.
I refuse to change or compromise anymore.
I choose to do what I believe will make me happy and help me to live a more fulfilling life.
By me being a natural people pleaser, I am always having conflicting thoughts of, “should I”, “maybe I shouldn’t”.
I am continuously fighting those thoughts to do what I believe is best for me.
When I get into a really bad funk, (most likely after an emotional breakdown because I get too into my thoughts about things, and from the teachings of what is “wrong” with me that I’ve gotten from throughout the years.) I hide.
I hide behind books, clothes, and not going anywhere anymore.
I am trying to make sure I do not get into those funks.
I am trying and hopefully soon I will be doing.
I just want to be understood.
Do you understand?

NotYourAverageGirl

-Rhody