Something Special

These moments of doubts are absolutely the worst. Letting it completely consume, I hate that. It was almost about to happen, I was letting it happen. I really didn’t want to wake up today,  about to let it go and just sleep. But I pushed myself to get up, take a shower, make some tea, and meditate. Yes I did cry. Meditating calms me down, it forces me to put all those doubts away, let them slip from my mind. So crying didn’t last long. It’s super weird how I stop myself from being myself. The doubts, the worries, the fears. Just letting myself waste away. All these cool thoughts and ideas I have, will I ever let them fully come out. If not to share with others, at least for myself. Can I push myself for myself. I guess when I start and think I’m on the right track, it’s always for the wrong reasons. Because I always stop. There’s never a true continuation, like there was a break. No, it’s a stop, like I quit. I was really ready to quit. But I didn’t allow it to take over. I know that wouldn’t go over well, not for myself and especially not for the people that love me. Just to give up because I am wasting time doing nothing for nothing. That’s sad and that’s what I become. I keep pushing myself out of it though, so there has to be something special that’s going to happen at some point.



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