Something Special

These moments of doubts are absolutely the worst. Letting it completely consume, I hate that. It was almost about to happen, I was letting it happen. I really didn’t want to wake up today,  about to let it go and just sleep. But I pushed myself to get up, take a shower, make some tea, and meditate. Yes I did cry. Meditating calms me down, it forces me to put all those doubts away, let them slip from my mind. So crying didn’t last long. It’s super weird how I stop myself from being myself. The doubts, the worries, the fears. Just letting myself waste away. All these cool thoughts and ideas I have, will I ever let them fully come out. If not to share with others, at least for myself. Can I push myself for myself. I guess when I start and think I’m on the right track, it’s always for the wrong reasons. Because I always stop. There’s never a true continuation, like there was a break. No, it’s a stop, like I quit. I was really ready to quit. But I didn’t allow it to take over. I know that wouldn’t go over well, not for myself and especially not for the people that love me. Just to give up because I am wasting time doing nothing for nothing. That’s sad and that’s what I become. I keep pushing myself out of it though, so there has to be something special that’s going to happen at some point.




via Daily Prompt: Edible

For a while, or a long time I have consumed.

Forever consuming and assuming it was okay.

Not realizing it was poison.

Poison in an edible form.

Believing it was healthy,

consuming semi blindly.

I saw it,

it looked alright,

harmless. (or so I thought)

Not realizing what it was doing.

I consumed just to be filled,

just to feel,

just to touch,

just to feel something.

Just thinking it was satisfying a hunger,

a temporary fill.

I didn’t know.

It was in my being,

I fed it to myself.

It came in an edible form though

How was I supposed to know.

I consumed it,

It consumed me.

After a while I did see.


I saw

Looked in it’s eyes

I saw it’s truth

which wasn’t

what I thought it was

whom I expected

why I consumed

Edible, it was not truly edible

please inspect everything thoroughly before you consume





Thanks for reading 🙂 ❤

Happiness Meter Low

Lately there has been a lot of overwhelming sadness at least once a week. Tears, silent weeping, loud weeping (if I’m alone). I am not happy. Constantly trying though. I keep trying to keep going and keep doing. Especially with me trying to keep my job. I have to push myself almost everyday just to get ready for work. I want to be alone, but then at the same time I don’t want to be alone. There’s tons of activities that I enjoy doing, like writing or taking and editing photos to share on my blog. But if I’m not in the mood to be motivated in life, those activities don’t get indulged in. Continuously getting sadder. Just sleeping my life away. But, here I am writing something again, me pushing myself to do something I like to do. It’s actually making me feel better. If I keep pushing myself to do one activity that I enjoy daily, the motivation for life, will continue to increase.

Thanks for reading 🙂



No Interview

Okay today I  finally had an interview with this accessory store. I had been calling for the last week trying to get an interview, and they finally called me last night. While I was getting ready today I realized I might not get there on time, so I called to let them know I would be late. After I got off the phone explaining I will be late, the hiring manager called to tell me if I didn’t get there for three my interview will be cancelled. I stilled continued to get ready and was thinking maybe they will still interview me if I’m not too late. I get there around 3:15, which was the time I told them I would probably get there by. So I inform one of the workers that I am there for an interview. She tells the hiring manager that I am there, and I sit down. The same lady comes up to me a few minutes later telling me that the hiring manager said she told me that my interview would be cancelled if I didn’t get there for three. I kind of didn’t like how the hiring manager sent that same lady to tell me that, because I kind of felt like the hiring manager should  have come to speak with me. And the way the lady relied the information made it seem like I was the only interview. So I then asked if there were any other interviews today, and she told me the other interviewee cancelled. After that I left and waited for my boyfriend to come pick me up. Honestly I was really sad because I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that there were no other interviews, and yet they couldn’t just interview me. When the hiring manager had called me back she should have just said interviews were cancelled. I was thinking I had to be there for three because there was another interview right after mine, but now I know there wasn’t. So there was no reason for them to not do my interview today. And now I am supposed to wait another two weeks for them to call for interviews.

Thanks for reading



Procrastination is Fear

I came to visit my godmother, and to simply get away. I quit my job, and decided I needed to kind of just clear my mind. Now I’ve been here for about a week. I haven’t done anything productive. I haven’t recorded anything suitable to edit. Started several post to put on here and just stopped.

I did do one thing though, I deleted my Instagram. It was needed. Making another one isn’t hard. When I think it’s beneficial for me to have an Instagram, I will. But as for now it doesn’t make sense. Deleting it has been on my mind for a while. I procrastinated on that, but I finally did it.

Procrastination is fear. It’s constantly me blocking myself. Being fearful of life and not finishing, or doing things that I start because I don’t believe it will be great, or I don’t believe that other people will like. My fear comes in the form of procrastination. And I have to continue to push through it.

So my plan for this fear is to do something everyday that I have been procrastinating on. The other day it was deleting my Instagram, today it’s writing this post. Maybe later I will draw, or finally record something for my Youtube channel. Can you believe that I’ve been procrastinating about drawing? Anything that I am creating, I always have slight doubts. I don’t think having doubts are bad, but for me it’s crippling to my creativity. Those doubts turn into procrastination, and that’s nothing but fear of not doing well enough. And honestly I need to just do, and if I don’t like it or succeed, I need to just redo.

I appreciate you for reading.






​Even though Christmas has passed, I still have that hopeful and positive feeling going on. 

Last year was a year of growth for me. I had a lot of breakdowns, they forced me to stop and take a break… literally from school. I’ve been focusing on myself, and trying to figure out what is wrong and what needs to be done. I’ve been processing a lot and I will keep processing a lot. On this break I’ve been trying to figure out how to be more productive, positive, and happy in life for myself. And it hasn’t been a full year yet since I started my break, but I’ve definitely matured and learned a good bit. I still want to learn more about myself and keep growing. It’s what’s needed for me to keep bettering myself, to continue to keep grooming myself for my expected great future self.
If you’ve read all of this, thank you.

– Rhodesia

A Decent Christmas & A Hopeful New Year

For the last few years Christmas just hasn’t felt much like Christmas to me. But this Christmas that just happened wasn’t half bad. I actually had a pretty decent day. There were lots of laughs and I got a sugar high. When I eat a lot of sugar, I laugh a lot.

Maybe this year was better because for the first time I was able to buy my loved ones gifts with my own money. I wanted to buy gifts. I was able to give and it felt good. Since Christmas is supposedly about giving, right ?

I shared a day with family like I do every year, but this year it felt better. Last year I was really sad around this time, with just a small spark. That spark existed because I met someone maybe a week before Christmas, and for some reason that person gave me a little bit of happiness and hope.

Throughout the year of 2016 that person has helped me out immensely. I greatly appreciate that person. If they hadn’t came into my life, I wouldn’t have had the courage to make the decision to not go back to college. I would not have started my YouTube channel when I did, or kept making post to this blog.

I now have the courage, strength, and positive energy to do and start the ideas that I have. Soon I will be quiting my job, taking a break, and starting fresh. Within the renewal that I plan to have, I want to become more organized. Becoming more organized will help me to make more YouTube videos, keep up with this blog more, and start promoting myself and networking with other YouTubers and bloggers. Also, I plan to start working on my own business. I expect to be successful with my happiness in life. I plan to stay positive, and I plan to continue to love.

I appreciate you for reading my thoughts.

I hope you are having a happy and blessed holiday.



I’m Great, You’re Great

I’m great, you’re great. I’m amazing, you’re amazing. Life is great and amazing, even though at times it may not seem to be. Life is truly what you make it, you can choose to dwell on the negative, or the positive. I read somewhere that our brains are hardwired to dwell on the negative more, and have more intense responses to negative thoughts, memories, feelings, etc. We can work on making our brains not do that by simply dwelling on the positive thoughts, memories, feelings, etc… more. This will help the happy feelings come out more, therefore you will be happier. I am constantly dwelling on the positive, or trying to. I have been starting things and also finishing them, which is something I have been working on. I am building my future. I am growing. I am learning. I am becoming myself.

I had to go to college to realize it wasn’t for me. That was my only real plan in life, the only plan I had. Going to college and it being a sad experience for me, made me make other plans. Made me think of other alternatives for building and starting my future. It made me actually start doing… which I wasn’t before. I was crying all the time, going to class, and eating. You would think me going to college, and starting the building blocks for my future there would have made me happier, but instead it made me sad.

I am better, I am happier, and I feel like me now.

I hope you’re having a great, positive, and blessed Sunday. I also hope you’ll have a great week.

If you read this whole post, thank you.


– Rhody


via Daily Prompt: Irksome



Irritating; annoying.

A few years ago, “irk” was a pretty popular word to use. For example, “That irked my nerves.” Pretty, pretty popular… I even said it a lot.

But “Irksome”, a word that is kind of fun to say, I think, wasn’t used. Even though it is the same word, just slightly longer.

In life, in general… something, someone, everything can be “Irksome”. Nowadays it seems people are so easily irked by something, someone, everything… in life, in general. I am sitting here wondering, “Why do people, (including myself) let people, places, things become irksome?” For something, someone, everything to become “Irksome”, one would have to care. Is it human nature for us to care that much? Yes, we should care about certain things when it pertains to oneself, but when it won’t affect oneself….why care? Ones nerves should not get irked by something, someone, everything that is simple in life, in general. When something, someone, everything… in life, in general becomes “Irksome”, just ask yourself, “Why?”

Now, when you answer yourself and there is no answer, or your reaction to your answer is, “like for real, realllyyyy?!?!?!?”

You don’t have a reason that matters for you to care, stop caring. To be honest, a lot of somethings, someones, everythings in life, in general do NOT matter. I had to realize that certain things that became “Irksome” to me did not matter. Had to think and realize that. Why did I let myself get irked? It was because I cared too much. Caring too much about things that don’t matter isn’t good. It is not good for my spirit. I am continuously in this push and pull of trying to stay balanced in life. When I started to not let simple things become “Irksome” anymore, I became more balanced. It helps to not care about frivolous somethings, someones, everythings… in life, in general.

We seem to let the simplest things in life matter. They don’t matter, they didn’t matter yesterday, don’t today, and still won’t tomorrow. So let that something, someone, everything that is “Irksome” to your nerves, disappear.

Have a peaceful day, week, month, year, life.



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